


And I'm Feeling Like I'm Thirty Feet Tall

by grannypants



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Nerd!Harry, but also football!louis, panty!louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:58:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grannypants/pseuds/grannypants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So now Louis is on the floor of the locker room wearing panties covered in his and Harry’s come and it’s not his fault. Not one bit."<br/>OR<br/>The one where Louis hires Harry as his assistant and gets him to buy a sparkly pink dildo as a form of seduction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'm Feeling Like I'm Thirty Feet Tall

Don’t get him wrong, Louis was determined to be totally diplomatic when choosing his new assistant. Being part of a major football team left him with a lack of time on his hands to do the simple things, like shop. The amount of times he’s eaten ramen noodles in the past month is upsetting to even him. So having someone else around to pick up the slack was all he had in mind when he began the interview process. He pictured a woman in her mid-forties, children all grown up and suffering from empty nest syndrome as his ideal fit, but when a sweater vest crowned with gelled brown hair and thick black glasses strolled in, the thoughts of a mother hen assistant strolled out.   
   
Because here’s the thing: he’s cute. Like, insanely cute. If Louis were to make a chart with varying levels of cuteness, sweater paws would be a two, the Jonas Brothers circa 2009 would be about a six, and the boy in front of him (who’s bodily make up had to be about 90% hair gel Louis estimated) would be a ten.   
   
And really, it wasn’t Louis’ fault if he hired him on the spot. He didn’t care if he had to eat instant noodles for the rest of his life as long as he got to see this boy fumble over his words in return.   
   
“So,” Louis said eyeing him. He had a fucking bow tie on, how is that fair? “What’s your name?”   
   
The interviews were held in an office in the back of the arena. It was normally used for conferences with other teams, or to go over plays for an upcoming game, but today there were two chairs separated by a table covered in resumes and empty throw-away tea cups occupying the space. The somewhat (overly) geeky boy shuffled across the room, barely managing not to trip, as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sat down.   
   
“Uhm, it’s Harry.” he said as he sat down. He was tall, way taller than Louis that was for sure. Louis’ knees slid comfortably under the edge of the table but Harry’s didn’t so he sat uncomfortably, looking like a wounded baby giraffe.   
   
“Well Harry,” Louis mused. “What brings you here today?”   
   
“I, uhm, I thought this was an interview for the assistant position?” Harry stumbled over his words almost as badly as he stumbled over his own feet.   
   
“That it is Harold, that it is. You sure you’re in the right place? You seem…” Louis struggled to find the right word to describe what Harry exactly was at the moment. “Sweaty, to be perfectly honest, are you alright?”   
   
“Yeah, I’m fine, they just didn’t tell me it would be so hot in here.” Louis tried not to delude himself into believing that Harry’s eyes glinted over to him when he said the word “hot”.   
   
“Well, you’ll have to get used to that, shed a couple layers maybe.” Louis said hoping, yet not hoping at the same time, that Harry would rip his stupid sweater vest off (and maybe just do a whole strip routine while he’s at it, leaving only his bow tie on). “If you get the job that is. I haven’t even looked over your resume yet.” Louis fumbled with the many papers on his desk and prayed it wasn’t the one he saw earlier with the colourful floral border on it. (It was).   
   
“Harry Styles? Wonderful border mate, I must say.” Louis suppressed a giggle.   
   
“You really think so? I’m so glad you like it, I spent a lot of time on it.” Harry’s eyes lit up as he talked about the border, Louis wanted to vomit.   
   
“Is that perhaps because the only thing on here is a relatively short career at a bakery?” Louis’ suppressed laughter was starting to seep through. “You have absolutely no experience with this kind of thing, how did you think you would even stand a chance?” It came out a lot crueler than Louis intended.   
   
If Harry’s eyes filled with water behind those thick rims Louis pretended not to notice. Harry pushed his glasses up his nose (again) and tried to avoid Louis’ pointed gaze.   
   
“Listen I know I don’t have any experience but I really do need this job.” Harry said in a voice so husky it could have been a dogsled. “Please just give me a chance.”   
   
It wasn’t like he was pleading but that bastard looked up at Louis through his eye lashes and the green of his tearing eyes flashed through, and, well, who was Louis to refuse him? So really, it wasn’t Louis’ fault that the next words that came out of his mouth were “You’re hired.” 

***   
   
Harry was a horrible assistant. He bought Louis exclusively health food (which he hated) and put sugar in Louis’ tea (which he really hated) and he wore a stupid fucking sweater vest with his hair gelled back every day (which is what Louis hated most of all). Plus it had been about a month since he hired Harry and they still weren’t making out on a regular basis. Louis was still debating if it was semi-inappropriate to be lusting after your assistant. So he asked Zayn.   
   
“I mean, it’s not like I’d be paying him for sex.” He reasoned to his fellow player in practice one day. “But I do pay him to take care of all my needs so in a way, I would be paying him for sex.”   
   
“You’re thinking about it too much. Maybe you should focus on how unethical it was to hire him solely for the reason that you thought he was cute in the first place.” Zayn replied as he and Louis kicked the ball back and forth.   
   
“Now is not the time for jokes, Zayn. Plus that’s so last month. Let’s focus on more important things.”   
   
“Like what?”   
   
“Like how I can get Harry to make a move on me instead of just blushing to a shade of red yet unknown to mankind every time I make a sexual innuendo.” Louis replied.   
   
“Why does he have to be the one to make a move? You’re the one who wants him so bad, you do it.” Zayn mused.   
   
“I could say the same thing about you, you know that right?” Both of them glanced over to their goalkeeper, Liam.   
   
“Don’t you dare.” Zayn whispered harshly.   
   
“Well it’s true. You’ve been pining Zayn. Literally pining. It’s unbearable.”   
   
“Oh and you think you’re much better? ‘Oh my name is Louis and I hired my manager because he’s cute, ugh why won’t he touch my butt, Zayn get him to touch my butt’” Zayn mimicked.   
   
“That’s not even close to what I sound like you tosser.” Louis said unamused. “Seriously give me an idea, I’m dying of sexual build up here.”   
   
Zayn walked over to Louis and put his arm around him, steering them to look over where Harry was drinking out of the water fountain across the pitch. The water shot up too high and got all over Harry’s glasses. Louis tried not to laugh (and failed), but Harry was just such an idiot he couldn’t restrain the fondness.   
   
“I don’t know Lou, make him buy you condoms or something. Get him thinking about your sex life.” Zayn suggested.   
   
Louis thought Zayn was a genius.   
   
“Zayn you’re a genius.” Louis said. 

***   
   
Zayn was an idiot. Or maybe Harry was the idiot, Louis wasn’t sure.   
   
Louis had taken to leaving Harry lists of stuff he needed and most of the time it would be simple like groceries or that his suits needed to be dry cleaned, but recently he would add one or two obscene items to the bottom of the list.   
   
He started by just putting condoms (in big letters, underlined, and with tons of exclamation points all around it). This sparked no reaction. The one hundred pack of condoms (extra-large, very funny Harry) were neatly placed on top of his pile of clean suits, and Harry never brought it up again.   
   
Next he tried lube. He wrote in brackets beside it on the list (flavors???!?) hoping to draw some sort of reaction. It didn’t. Harry gave him a paper bag full of easily thirty different types of lube without batting an eyelash.   
   
Louis was growing impatient. After all, being patient has never been one of his strong suits. So he decided to go for the big time. He got a pink sparkly pen and wrote one thing on the list: New Dildo. He put a big box around it and squiggly lines, and even a couple happy faces and hearts for good measure. He left the note for Harry and hoped when he got home from practice that instead of finding a new dildo, he would find Harry naked on his couch with a bow wrapped around his dick. Or something like that, Louis wasn’t picky.   
   
However, when he did get home he found no such thing. There was a box, however, on the table. As Louis went closer to investigate he realized Harry had not only purchased him a dildo (a pink sparkly one that was shockingly similar in colour to the pen he had used) but also a matching butt plug. With a remote control.   
   
And if Louis had to run to his room to use these new toys right away, well that wasn’t his fault either. 

***   
   
Except now it’s been two months since Louis hired a cute nerdy boy to be his assistant and Louis was discouraged. He’d given up, in fact. Harry either didn’t like cock, or just Louis’ cock in particular, both of which upset Louis.    
   
“It’s just a shame isn’t it?” He asked Zayn. “I mean, doesn’t he know the pros of having sex with a professional athlete?”   
   
(Zayn wasn’t listening. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that Liam had just taken his shirt off in the corner of the dressing room.)   
   
“Zayn are you listening to me?”   
   
“No.”   
   
“Oh for fuck’s sake Louis!” Niall piped up from behind them. “The whole team knows about how much you wanna fuck your gelled up assistant, and if he’s not picking up all these hints you’re dropping maybe you have a bigger issue. Like why you’re in love with a fucking idiot.”   
   
Niall meant well, Louis knew, even through his explicit vocabulary. (Still it was hard to take advice from someone who was now running around the room pretending to pick up dropped hints like they were an actual tangible object). But it hurt to think that his perpetual blue balls would remain that way because clearly Harry wasn’t interested. 

*** 

Louis had no underwear. Literally, none. He asked Harry to clean out all his old pairs with holes in them, but he didn’t realize that left him with exactly zero pairs. And Louis had a game in two hours. So naturally he texts Harry.    
   
“Emergency! No undies! Help! Game in two hours! Bring! Them! To! The! Arena! Or! Else!!!”   
   
“Or else what?” The reply came immediately. Louis hated texting with Harry because he was always a trillion times cheekier via text than he was in real life. And Louis hated it.   
   
“Or else you can expect your instant termination from your current position.” He texted back.   
   
“You wouldn’t. You would die of malnutrition without me. See you at the arena :) xx”   
   
Bastard. Who says malnutrition in a text anyways? 

*** 

So Louis goes to the arena commando and prays no one notices, or if they do, that they don’t care. But Niall seems to do both.   
   
“Louis, what the fuck mate?” He hollers.   
   
“What?” Louis feigns innocence.   
   
“You’re sweat pants hide nothing pal. I get enough of that in the showers. Put some fucking proper pants on.”   
   
It’s okay though because Harry just sent him a text. Thank God.   
   
“It’s my day off you know. You owe me. Come meet me out front.”   
   
Louis has never seen Harry on his day off. So when he goes out to the front desk and doesn’t see a familiar sweater vested nerd waiting for him he gets upset. How dare Harry leave? Doesn’t he realize how crucial underwear is right now?   
   
Except then he sees him.   
   
How dare Harry be suddenly hot? Doesn’t he realize how misleading this has been?   
   
Gone are the sweater vests and bow tie and in their place is a black v-neck t-shirt. And he has tattoos. Lots of them. Plus his hair is wild and curly like he just rolled out of bed. The only thing that was the same are the thick black rims covering his face. That’s how he recognized him. Because he pushes them up his nose like he always does and how Louis always pretends to hate.   
   
“Why don’t you take a picture?” The new imposter Harry says. “It’ll last longer.”   
   
“Don’t use cliches Harry, you dweeb.” Wow Louis was so turned on.    
   
“You love that I use cliches.” He’s right, Louis loves it. “Here’s your underwear. Now, remember Louis, with great underwear comes great…”   
“I beg you not to finish that sentence.” Louis actually pleads for the sake of saving himself from the second hand embarrassment. At least Hot Harry was still a giant nerd internally. “Are you staying to watch the game? Or do you and your curly hair and skinny jeans have somewhere to be?” Oh god the skinny jeans. There’s a hole in the knee. Louis is getting hard, he’s never seen so much of Harry’s skin before. He’s always completely covered.   
   
“Do you just assume I have no life outside work?” Obviously, Louis thinks.   
   
“Obviously.” says Louis. “Nothing in your life could possibly be as fabulous as me, so I don’t know why you’d bother. Come on, I’ll get you a jersey, you can drink some beer, eat some nachos, it’ll be grand.   
   
“Well when you put it that way, I’d be a fool not to.” Hot Harry replies.   
   
Louis runs to grab Harry one of his extra jerseys and nearly forgets to take the underwear (and tries not to think about why Harry was blushing so hard when he handed it over) and then he had to go get ready for the game.   
   
Except when Louis opens the bag he finds nothing but frilly pink lace and he’s confused. Harry bought him sexy lingerie. Louis was now uncomfortably turned on and now he was holding a bunch of pink panties. And he had no choice. He couldn’t play with his dick swinging all over the place, plus the football shorts leave little to the imagination as it is.   
   
So he sends Harry a text that says “I hate you so much right now” and suddenly he’s wearing the panties under his shorts instead of boxers as he runs out to warm up. And he swears that this totally isn’t his own fault. 

***  
   
The game was brutal for a handful of reasons. The first was that Louis was unbearably hard in his panties for most of it. And every time he would think he was okay he would see reason two: Harry in his jersey. Now Louis didn’t fancy himself to be much of a fetishist, but seeing Hot Harry in his jersey covered in tattoos? Well. Plus Harry was eating a banana. They didn’t even sell those at concession so Louis has no idea where the fuck it came from. But regardless of where the thing came from, every time Louis looked over Harry was fucking deep throating the curved yellow fruit.  
   
Obviously they lost the game. Louis was desperately trying to hide his erection for most of it, plus he was pretty sure that something happened with Zayn and Liam because they were both blushy and flustered whenever they got near each other. They only sane one seemed to be Niall. And that says something.   
   
So when Louis gets off the field he’s pissed. Pissed because he lost a stupid football game because of stupid Harry and because he was wearing stupid underwear that aforementioned stupid Harry picked out for him.   
   
He has to wait until the locker room clears out because he’s not about to strip down in front of a bunch of grown men when he’s wearing pink panties that are likely dripping with the precome from his erection (stupid Harry’s fault). When it does empty though he only just starts to strip his kit off when Harry himself walks in (he’s still in Louis’ jersey,ugh).   
   
“I’m sorry you lost the game.” He said.   
   
“I would tell you to not apologize for things that aren’t your fault, but then I’d be a liar.” Louis said. “You should really apologize for being so hot.”   
“I’m sorry I’m so hot.” Harry smirked.   
   
Louis was furious.   
   
“Why are you trying to kill me Harry?” he questioned.   
   
“I’m not Louis. That would put a bit of a damper on things if you were dead.” Harry responded as he sat on one of the benches near Louis.   
   
“A damper on what things?”   
   
“Well I’m not exactly into necrophilia Lou.” Harry replied.   
   
“Oh my God,” Louis’ stomach clenches. Harry’s talking about sex. “I hate you so much, what took you so long?”   
   
“Yeah sorry about that.” Harry says as he absentmindedly reaches over to Louis’ shorts and feels the fabric between his fingers. “I wasn’t sure if you were doing it as a joke or not because, well, it’s me.”   
   
“You know I hired you solely because I thought you were cute, right?” Louis laughs because it’s happening. He’s waited two months and now it’s finally happening.   
   
“You’re shitting me.”   
   
“I would never.”   
   
Harry just laughs, and then his eyes flash up to meet Louis’. “Lou?”   
   
“What is it Harold?” Louis growled almost impatiently. When was the sex going to happen?   
   
“You wearing the panties I bought you Lou?” Harry whispers. Oh, Louis guessed the sex was about to happen right now.   
   
Louis smirks at him. “Wanna see?” he asks.   
   
“God yes.” was all Harry said.   
   
So Louis goes around to stand in front of Harry. “Go ahead then.” Harry put his hands on the waistband of the shorts Louis was wearing and hooked his thumbs into them.   
   
While he pulled them down his eyes didn’t leave Louis’. But the second they pooled around his Louis’ ankles Harry’s eyes glanced down, and released a low groan.   
   
So Louis looks down too, because surely it couldn’t be that hot.   
   
It was that hot. As he predicted his precome had soaked the front of the panties. What he hadn’t predicted was that it would turn the pink material completely see-through. His hard dick was fucking shimmering in the fabric.   
   
He glanced back at Harry and saw him looking up with needy eyes.   
   
“Please, Lou. I wanna suck you, can I do that?”   
   
“If you think you actually have to ask that question, then no.”   
   
Harry didn’t hesitate as he leaned forward and licked Louis’ dick through the panties.   
   
Louis groaned loudly. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.”   
   
“Don’t I?” Harry smirked as he licked Louis’ dick one more time, before pulling the panties to the side, and swallowing Louis down in one motion.   
   
It was too much. Harry’s mouth was too hot and his hands were too big spread out on his ass, and it was too much.   
   
Harry didn’t seem to care that it was too much though because he kept bobbing his head, letting Louis’ cock hit the back of his throat each time. Louis wasn’t going to come in Harry’s mouth though. Not tonight at least.   
   
“Stop,” he said, pulling Harry off. “Want you in me.”   
   
Harry looked up at Louis, and Louis couldn’t help but laugh. His lips were red and full, and his fucking glasses were fogged up.   
   
“No, I’m sorry, keep them on.” Louis said still laughing.   
   
So Harry wiped his glasses off and pulled Louis’ jersey off his body (Louis tried not to look upset; that would have to be a fantasy for another time). But that’s when things stopped being so funny. Because Harry was such a nerd. He had a fucking butterfly on his stomach.   
   
“You have a fucking butterfly on your stomach.” Louis said blankly.   
   
“You have the best observation skills Lou,” He said laughing. “Really you’re the next Sherlock.”   
   
But Louis just traces the wings with his fingertips and then he kisses Harry.   
   
It wasn’t perfect, first kisses hardly ever are. Harry’s lips were chapped, and Louis was sweaty but somehow none of that mattered. Two months worth of stored up attraction flowed from Louis into the kiss. So naturally, it was needy, passionate, and there was lots of tongue and teeth, but it was good. It was really good. So good in fact that Louis could feel Harry’s dick through his skinny jeans on his thigh.   
   
So Louis broke away and was going to very nicely ask Harry if he could please fuck him now but then Harry’s lips were on his neck and his fingernails were scraping down his hipbones so he couldn’t think. He couldn’t even form words.   
   
“Harry.” He tried to moan, but it came out as a giant jumble of sound, and was certainly not English.   
   
“Haz, please.” He tried again. What the fuck was a Haz?   
   
“What the fuck is a Haz?” Harry asks breaking away from Louis.   
   
“Your name I guess.” Louis shrugged. “Sorry, it seems like I forgot how to speak for a minute.”   
   
So Louis begins to work on Harry’s belt before his lips leave him incoherent again.   
   
Harry’s skinny jeans were literally stuck to his legs and it took both of them to get them off, but by the time they did they were in a laughing mess on the floor in a very convenient position.   
   
Harry was on top of Louis, so now was the perfect time to ask.   
   
“Harry, please fuck me.”   
   
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He laughed. “Do you have anything?”   
   
“Funny you should ask, because I seem to have thirty different flavours of lube in my locker for some reason. Along with an enormous box of condoms.”   
   
Harry chuckled as he got up and went to rifle through Louis’ locker. “You have no idea how funny it was paying for all this lube. The cashier looked at me like I was some sort of sex maniac.”   
   
“Aren’t you though? I mean look at us.” Louis pointed out.   
   
“You have a point.” He said walking back over to Louis.   
   
He knelt down and took Louis’ ankles in his hands, spreading them apart. “Is it okay if I leave these on?”   
   
“What, the panties?” Louis laughed when he saw Harry nod. “Sure pal, whatever floats your boat.”   
   
So Harry squirts some lube on his fingers (Louis thinks he smells strawberry flavour) and pushes the panties to the side so he can slid his finger into Louis’ ass.   
   
Louis knew Harry had big hands, but his finger size was still shocking when it was actually inside him. And the thing was, Harry was obscenely good at it. He had Louis up to three fingers and practically screaming his name in no time.   
   
“That’s good enough Harry, please just fuck me.” Louis whimpers.   
   
“Anything for you babe.” Harry said pulling his fingers out.   
   
Harry stood up and finally shed his boxers and Louis just gaped at him. Harry Styles was about to fuck him with his monster cock, and he was pumped.   
   
He turned Louis over onto his stomach and pulled his knees back so he was on all fours. Louis heard Harry open the condom pack and the Harry pulled the panties to the side, and readied his freshly strawberry lube covered cock at the brink of Louis’ hole.   
   
“Ready?” he asked.   
   
Louis just groaned in response, so Harry took it as a good sign and slid his cock into Louis.   
   
It hurt, or course it hurt with what Harry was packing but they went slowly so it wasn’t long until he was adjusted to Harry’s size.   
   
Louis groaned as Harry moved behind him, shuddering when he felt Harry’s breath on his back. Every time Harry’s cock hit his prostate he felt himself getting closer and closer. He tried to reach his own cock, but he was literally being fucked into the floor, so he couldn’t reach it. It wasn’t like he couldn’t get off from Harry alone.   
   
Harry was getting closer too, his movements were growing more erratic.   
   
“Lou,” he moaned. “Lou I’m so close.”   
   
“Me too, Haz, me too.” Louis groaned when he heard the repetitive sound of Harry’s balls slapping against him.   
   
“Fuck. Fuck, Lou wait I can’t…” and suddenly Harry is gone. Confused, Louis looks over his shoulder and almost has a heart attack from a cuteness overload.   
   
Harry, with his skinny jeans and tattoos was still the adorable nerd that walked into his office that first day. Because Harry was having an asthma attack. He was digging through his jeans trying to find his inhaler.   
   
“You okay, babe?” Louis asked, trying to mask his giggles with concern.   
   
“Yeah, yeah, I’m so sorry though.” He pushed his glasses up his nose. Louis grinned. Harry used his inhaler and his breathing started to go back to normal.    
   
“It’s okay Haz,” Louis guessed that nickname was going to stick. “Just please for the love of God finish me off before I explode.”   
   
So Harry does. He makes Louis come (hard) and right before he himself comes he pulls out and rips the condom off so he can cover Louis’ panty clad ass in his semen (It’s a wonderful sight, Louis’ agrees). 

So now Louis is on the floor of the locker room wearing panties covered in his and Harry’s come and it’s not his fault. Not one bit. It’s Harry’s. It’s always been Harry’s fault.


End file.
